Horror Movie Hunk: Hart Bochner

January 1, 2013 at 4:33 pm 2 comments


One great thing about the interwebs is that it allows people to connect with others who share the same peculiar interest. Growing up, I thought I was the only one who thought about the hunky D-listers who so frequently appeared in my favorite horror movies. Mostly these actors were unknown “talents” who pretty much remained unknown and, well, not so much “talents” as footnotes in the history of horror movies. Yes, we all know Kevin Bacon starred in the original Friday the 13th. But for every Kevin Bacon, there are hundreds of Bill Randolphs, who essentially recreated the Kevin Bacon role in F13 Part 2. (Actually, I learned this week that Bill Randolph works as a designer for the NY Daily News.) Over the last few years, I have found other bloggers who, like me, have a slightly unnerving knowledge of the unsung hunks who show up, get shirtless, and (usually) bumped off by a mask-wearing maniac or possessed puppet.  So, I guess this weird, crazy, demented quirky interest of mine isn’t so unusual after all. That’s why I am starting this regular feature called Horror Movie Hunk. And, who better to start with than Hart Bochner. 


Naked in Apartment Zero

Sigh…Hart Bochner. Chiseled good looks, hairy chest, a never-ending smirk. He’s the bad boy of my dreams. Also, he’s had a bit of longevity in his career, including his role in the homoerotic urban thriller Apartment Zero opposite Colin Firth. But the first movie I ever saw Hart in was Terror Train, the 1980 slasher pic most notable for starring Jamie Lee Curtis (still in her scream queen days) and David Copperfield(!). The movie is pretty unoriginal (except it takes place on a moving train instead of a camp or the suburbs), so there’s no need for a plot summary. All you need to know is that Hunky Hart plays alpha male douchebag Doc Manley, the leader of a fraternity whose members are being stalked and murdered at a New Year’s Eve party held on a train. Damn, that was a plot summary. Oh, well. Hart is so gorgeous that the audience knows automatically to hate him. It also helps that the movie’s heroine (played by a paycheck-cashing JLC) constantly gets mad at Doc and storms away from him in disgust. Get it, he’s a bad guy! Supposedly the audience should rejoice when these d-bags get killed off. But, me? That’s usually the point I lose interest in the movie until the “final girl” showdown. Terror Train kind of cheats the audience, though. We don’t get to see Doc’s demise. The camera cuts away just before the killer’s knife does any damage to that perfect specimen of masculinity. Hmm, that might not be so bad, after all. This way, we can remember him in all his flawless glory. One note about the character’s name: Doc Manley. I must say that it’s both cheesy and embarrassingly swoon worthy at the same time.

Sure, I'll join you.

Sure, I’ll join you.

Doc in Terror Train. If only that were my hand.

Doc in Terror Train. If only that were my hand.

After Terror Train, Hart continued to act, write, and direct. He even showed up in the sequel to Urban Legends. Most people will probably remember him from Die Hard, though. And, guess what? He played another alpha male douchebag in that one. In real life, though, I am sure Handsome Hart is a good guy. in fact, Time magazine named him the greenest celebrities of 2008. All I have to say is he could compost me anytime he wanted to!


Entry filed under: Celebrity Crush, Horror, Movies. Tags: , , , , , .

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lyman  |  January 1, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Very well written. I enjoyed him in “East of Eden” TV miniseries

  • 2. Paige  |  January 2, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    I loved “Terror Train” when it came out! I watched it and “My Bloody Valentine” (the 1981 version) a few years ago and was less impressed.


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